Transmuting Pain Into Love

In "The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have," Mark Nepo said, "When we heal ourselves, we heal the world. For as the body is only as healthy as its individual cells, the world is only as healthy as its individual souls."

Life has a way of giving us exactly the people we need in the season that we need them. There is an energy that connects all living things, and that connection allows us to co-create our experience in the world. Yes, that means YOU have the power to create change in the world. In fact, you don’t have a choice. Every thought you have, and every move you make creates ripples throughout the world. The evolution and co-creation of our individual lives and of the collective is nothing short of magic. A simple text message, an invitation for coffee, a smile as you pass a stranger on the street- it all matters, it all plays a part in the ripples that create the world around us. Heal yourself and you will heal the world. Show kindness to a stranger, and kindness will spread like wildfire throughout your community. Live your life from a place of love and gratitude, and together, we can create a beautiful and abundant world.

I spent months “wintering,” withdrawing from the world to experience an internal retreat, when we moved to Whitehouse in 2023. Life felt hopeless in so many ways. The change was heavy. The grief, shame, and guilt were overwhelming. I felt empty and alone. But I knew I couldn’t stay in that place. I knew I had to heal, because there was more for me on the other side of this grief. I knew there was a beautiful life, an abundant life, waiting for me on the other side of this shame spiral.

For months, I mustered any ounce of happiness I could find in my body so I could get my kids to school in the morning. Then I would collapse onto a couch and cocoon for the day until the kids got home. Any energy I had, which was not much, was going to the kids, because they were going through it too. They had been ripped from everything they had known- their friends, their school, their community. We had each other, but during this time of terribly difficult emotions, “each other” didn’t feel like the HOME that we needed it to be. The energy in our home felt explosive, angry, and confused.

Somatic therapy has saved me. I am transmuting my pain and shame into love and power. Time does not heal all wounds, but time spent doing the work does. And the work can be painful. Sometimes it feels like an abyss, empty and lonely. Other times it hurts; it physically hurts. And a lot of the time it just feels heavy and suffocating, like it’s weighing you down and you are unable to move or even breath. -Breath- Intentional breathwork is a great place to start, a great way to tiptoe into somatic therapy.

To the outside world, you are moving and doing the things, because you’re showing up on the Zoom calls, you’re making the dinners, you’re cheering on the sidelines at the soccer games. But the reality is, you feel disconnected from it all, like life is now happening around you. You are in it, but you are not a part of it. You go through the motions, but none of it feels real.

Small, microscopic movements in the right direction will slowly bring you back to life. Show up in whatever way you are able to show up today. Give yourself grace, and be with yourself in this season of the journey. Meet yourself where you are, even if that is creating a cocoon on your couch while the world seems to spin in fast motion around you. Inside that cocoon is where the transformation will happen. Love yourself. Heal your body with your thoughts. Send love to the parts of yourself that need healing. And when you are ready, take one small step forward.

I am so incredibly grateful for the friends who showed up when I needed just a strand of connection. People who did not even know me came to my rescue, and I don’t believe they fully understand the impact their outstretched hand had on the trajectory of my healing process.

Life has been evolving rapidly, and not just for me but for the human collective. When you look around, you can see the drastic shifts that are happening across the world. For many of us, these really big changes are manifesting in our personal lives as well. When you slow down, and feel into the energy around you, you can feel the chaos of the collective. But when we find our alignment with Source, that energy that connects us all, we have the power to shift the world toward expansion rather than destruction. We have the power to contribute to a world full of love rather than hate.

Go out into the world today, and share one small act of love with the people around you. If you are in that pit of grief, shame, or guilt, open your heart to love, and allow that expansion to begin inside of you. Allow yourself to see the good in the world, and to feel it in yourself. Because the work of healing yourself is the work of healing the entire world.